


Smoke Screen

by Faith



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-02
Updated: 2011-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-23 08:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/248355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faith/pseuds/Faith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Callie isn't the only one with scars from that day. (Set one month after the accident, mid-7x19.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke Screen

The air is cold and wet, providing a nice contrast to the stuffiness of the ICU. She stands outside the west entrance, cigarette poised between two fingers as smoke curls from her lips and is carried away by a light breeze.

Arizona hasn’t smoked in six months, so this is pretty much considered a huge failure on her part. She promised Callie she’d stop, and yet here she is, sucking on a cancer stick like her life depends on it. But it works, a sense of calm replacing the shaking in her hands, and she bounces less on the balls of her feet after five or six minutes pass.

She can see the apartment from where she stands, and if she tilts her head to the left she can make out the Miami Dolphins pinwheel Callie stuck in their bedroom window. Why a pinwheel, Arizona really isn’t sure. It’s barely a turquoise blob from where she’s positioned, but she knows that’s exactly what it is. Her girlfriend put it there ages ago.

Fiancée. She supposes she should get used to calling Callie her fiancée instead. That’s what happens when someone accepts your marriage proposal – even if it is right after you drive them into the back of a truck and send them through the windshield.

A sharp grimace crosses her otherwise stony features and she hurriedly takes another long puff. The ball of anxiety rooted in her gut continues to churn as she pushes away unwanted memories.

Footsteps approach and she does her best to ignore them. Anyone who sees her smoking is sure to relay the message to Callie, who at barely one week out of the ICU needs to worry about nothing other than physical therapy and sleep.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Despite wishing she was alone, Arizona’s not at all surprised to hear Teddy’s voice. The footsteps stop and a tall figure leans against the wall to her left. Still she refuses to make eye contact.

“Mark asked me to find you.”

Arizona snorts. “Mark? What does he want now, diaper changing lessons? Or his TV re-programmed?” Perhaps that’s a bit unfair. Things with Mark have been…well, they’ve been. They’ve both been trying. He’s attempted to make up for past mistakes. She tries not to think about the words that left his mouth That Day, because if she does, his two front teeth will likely end up imbedded in her knuckles. And that would only stress Callie out even more.

Sofia doesn’t need a toothless father, so Arizona took the high road and tolerates his puppy-dog-eyes and gushing about how much their baby girl looks like him. She loves Sofia’s cute, round little ears more than anything, but if she has to hear how they’re ‘Sloan ears’ one more time she can’t be held responsible for her actions.

She can tell Teddy treads carefully when she speaks, afraid of saying the wrong thing. So she stands there in silence, waiting for her best friend to spit it out.

“He said Callie asked you to pick up a package from her father at the downtown post office.”

Arizona hums in response.

Another hesitation. “He also said he saw you paying a courier in the main lobby an hour later, and that you told Callie traffic had been bad on the I-5.”

“Maybe he needs glasses,” Arizona answers coolly, unappreciative of Mark’s Hardy Boys impersonation.

Teddy ignores her and continues. “Which pretty much correlates with the fact that I saw you in the cafeteria about forty minutes ago, sitting in a corner looking like someone ran over your puppy.”

Closing her eyes, Arizona lifts the cigarette. “So?”

“You haven’t driven a car since the accident, have you?”

Arizona’s lips purse around the cancer stick before she pulls it away, unsure how to answer that. “I live across the street, a place I only go to grab the occasional change of clothes. I sleep on a cot in Calliope’s room every night when I’m not sitting in the NICU with our two-pound, four-week-old daughter. It’s not like I’m making regular trips to the mall these days.”

She releases a slow breath of smoke, attempting to be courteous by aiming it downwind from Teddy. A single cough rumbles up from her lungs, her body’s way of protesting the junk she’s forcing it to consume. Just so her hands will just stop shaking long enough for her to focus.

Thoughts of Baby Girl in the NICU, fighting to breathe inside a plastic dome, immediately invade her mind. Thoughts of Sofia’s underdeveloped lungs that continue to grow every day, lungs that need clean, sterile air to support her delicate system and keep her healthy.

That makes Arizona lose her appetite for this dirty little habit in an instant. She drops the cigarette and snuffs it out with the toe of her Heely, realizing Sofia is the best nicotine patch of all.

Teddy sighs and pushes away from the wall, stepping around to face Arizona head-on. “Then why didn’t you drive to the post office?”

“I had a consult.”

“Bullshit. I checked your schedule.”

“Teddy, would you just–” Arizona stops talking and combs her fingers through her hair. She is not a mean person by nature, and when she’s cranky and mean things come out of her mouth, she feels pretty horrible after. Especially if it’s things said to the one person who’s really stuck by her through this whole ordeal.

She’s met with silence and an unwavering stare, and just knows Teddy isn’t about to let this go.

The defiance drains from her body and she slumps back into the wall, dropping her head forward and breathing in cold, clean air this time. “A week after the accident, Callie was craving this dark chocolate pudding she gets from a specialty store across town. I told her I’d get some, so I walked to our building, I got to our parkade, heck, I even got inside her car, and then I just…”

Teddy waited patiently while Arizona’s voice began to shake.

“I sat down in the driver’s seat and it just hit me. I saw the truck out the windshield, I felt the airbag slam into my face, a-and I…I heard this _sound_ as she went through. I didn’t fully understand until that moment that that’s what it was. That’s what I was hearing. It was like this sickening ‘crunch’, and it was so horrific that I couldn’t…”

“Arizona,” Teddy begins, radiating sympathy.

That’s exactly what Arizona doesn’t want. She shouldn’t get sympathy, not when her daughter and future wife are stuck inside these walls, all because she couldn’t keep her God damn eyes on the road.

“I can’t even look at a car without the urge to throw up,” she admits, finally meeting Teddy’s gaze.

“That’s why you had me pick up groceries last week?” Teddy smiles at the guilt that crosses her friend’s face. “Not that I mind, I’m happy to do whatever I can to help. I didn’t think about it until Mark mentioned you asked him to drive Callie’s parents to the airport while you were in surgery. I checked the schedule, you weren’t even on it that day.”

Suddenly it’s all Arizona can do not to burst into tears. She feels useless, unable to do even the simplest things to help the woman she loves, all because she can’t even think about getting in a car without fighting off a panic attack.

Teddy pulls her into a hug before she can protest, and it isn’t long before silent tears begin to soak through the shoulder of her scrubs. “It wasn’t your fault,” she whispers, rubbing a soothing hand up and down her back. “What happened to Callie and your daughter wasn’t your fault.”

Like hell it wasn’t. Arizona bites back the words but Teddy knows. She’s a good friend, very intuitive about these things.

“It was a freak accident, Arizona. Nothing more. Small mountain road, blind corner. Callie’s okay and Sofia is going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that,” Arizona whispers hoarsely. “I wake up every morning terrified the love of my life won’t be in her bed anymore because she’s lying in the morgue. That I’ll get a call from Stark saying Sofia’s heart failed in the middle of the night and Callie will suffer because of my mistake. And I can’t, I-I can’t, not anymore.”

Teddy holds her tighter as she breaks down, realizing it’s the first time since Callie woke up that Arizona’s shown any kind of outward emotion. She knew it was an act to some extent, but the level of guilt being carried around was crushing.

Only when the tears stop flowing and a sharp hiccough sounds in her ear does Teddy pull back, keeping Arizona’s shoulders steady between her hands. “It is not your fault,” she states, wanting to make that perfectly clear, even if it takes a thousand repeats for it to register. “It was an accident. No one blames you. Least of all Callie.”

“How can she not?” Arizona’s bottom lip begins to quiver again as she fights for control. “I nearly killed our daughter.”

“Hey,” Teddy snaps, this time with force. “You did no such thing. It was an _accident_ , you hear me? I don’t care if you were fighting at the time, it isn’t your fault. I know that I can’t possibly understand what you two have been through, but I’m going to hammer it into your skull until you listen to me – even if you are the most stubborn woman on Earth. I’ve got all day, I’m taller than you, and I’ve got really great military skills to take you down if you try and thwart me.”

The ghost of a smile graces Arizona’s lips. “I’m not exactly a pushover.”

Teddy cracks a grin. “Doesn’t mean I can’t force you to stand out here all day in the freezing rain until you hear me.”

For the first time in hours, maybe even weeks, some of the more permanent tension finally melts away from Arizona’s rundown form. She stares at the ground, kicking the crushed cigarette further away. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling guilty on some level. They’re my whole life, you know? They’re my girls. It kills me that this happened to them.”

Teddy slides an arm around Arizona, tugging her into another hug. This time she feels the woman exhale a sharp breath and relax into it. “I know. You’ll probably never stop thinking about that day, no one expects you to. Either of you. But it will get better, and I’ll be here every step of the way. Okay?”

Arizona feels a rush of gratitude for Teddy’s unwavering awesomeness. She really couldn’t have picked a better friend.

They both re-take their original positions against the wall, leaning back and staring into the emptying parking lot. A comfortable silence passes before Arizona speaks. “So, have you consummated your marriage yet?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

Arizona wrinkles her nose.

Casting a sideways glance, Teddy notices the blonde looking visibly more relaxed than she was earlier. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“I think technically you just did.” An elbow shoots out to connect with Arizona’s side. It sends a brief ache through the bruise on her ribcage, though she makes no mention of it.

“Why don’t I drive you to pick up some more of that pudding Callie likes? It’ll make her happy and help ease you back into things.”

Arizona tenses again, though she sets a firm resolve not to chicken out this time. “How about we go around the block, first? Then, if I haven’t thrown up in your Lexus–”

“–please don’t–”

“–we can keep going from there?”

The suggestion was met with no protest from Teddy. She’s willing to take things as slowly as Arizona needs to get comfortable in a vehicle again. “Okay. I have a consult with Sloan in half an hour that should only take about twenty minutes, then I’m all yours. Meet you in the break room?”

Arizona nods, flashing Teddy a bright smile, even if it’s a little shaky around the edges. “It’s a date. Only not really, because I have a wife. Almost.”

Teddy smirks and pushes away from the wall, walking backwards to the sliding doors. “Don’t worry, I’ve got my own marital problems to worry about. The last thing I plan on doing is causing more.”

Arizona laughs, realizing it’s probably the first time she’s done so in weeks. She watches Teddy turn around and calls out just before the woman heads back inside. Pausing, Teddy tilts her head curiously.

“Maybe don’t mention this to Callie?” Arizona tentatively bites her lip. “At least, not yet? I’ll tell her, I just…I want to see how it goes, first.”

Teddy nods. “Throw out that disgusting thing in your pocket and we have a deal.”

Furrowing her brow, Arizona sticks her hand in and pulls out the pack of cigarettes. She thinks of Sofia in the NICU and the cartridge sails a short distance through the air, landing in the nearest garbage can. “Done.”

“Good.” Teddy smiles, facing the door again. “And Arizona? It’ll get better, I promise.”

Watching her head back inside, Arizona finds herself starting to believe there may be some truth in that.

Now all she needs to do is find some mouth wash before her nicotine addiction causes a certain someone to open up a can of whoopass the next time she kisses her.

***

While she could’ve spent the hour waiting in the Peds unit charting, Arizona finds herself drawn to the same place she’s been sleeping for the last week. She arrives on the fourth floor to find the door wide open and a very focused Callie working with a stress ball to strengthen her grip.

Arizona breaks into a smile and leans against the doorway. “Anyone ever tell you you’re sexy when you’re determined?”

Callie looks up, seemingly frustrated but in decent spirits considering. “Bailey won’t let me get out of bed today. She says I need to rest, whatever that means.”

Arizona stands up straight and strolls into the room, crossing both arms loosely over her chest. “I think she means take it easy,” she points out lightly, plucking the smiley face ball from her fiancée’s fingers and sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I am resting,” Callie deadpans, lifting an arm and feebly trying to retrieve the stolen item. Arizona doesn’t feel right playing keep-away when her partner’s motor functions are so limited, so she gives it right back.

“It doesn’t count as exercise when I’m only using my fingers.”

Blue eyes began to shine. “Funny. I can think of several occasions your fingers gave me a really good work out.”

Callie’s brow rises and she breaks out into a pleased grin of her own. “Are you coming onto me, Ms. Robbins?”

Arizona is all too aware of how careful she’s been treading when it comes to sexuality these days. She’s been so afraid of making Callie uncomfortable while giving her sponge bathes and changing hospital gowns, that it’s a huge relief to openly flirt like the good old times.

“Soon to be _Mrs._ Robbins, thank you very much,” she corrects, leaning over to plant a lingering kiss on her favourite pairs of lips. She pulls back after a moment and strokes her left thumb across Callie’s cheek. “Or Torres. I’m not picky.”

“I like Robbins, for the record. It suits you better.”

“Ditto with Torres,” Arizona chuckles, stealing another kiss before leaning back and picking up her partner’s hand.

Callie licks her lips, looking as though she’s got a flirtatious retort of her own forming, until she pauses. “Were you smoking?”

Arizona grimaces, knowing how horrible she is at lying. “Last cigarette ever, cross my heart. Teddy’s my sponsor.”

“Teddy used to smoke?”

“No, but she did threaten me with physical harm if I ever touch another cigarette again. Equally as effective.”

“She’ll have to get in line,” Callie points out, arching a sharp eyebrow and weakly tugging the hand laced within her own. “I thought you were gonna stop entirely. I want you around for a long time.”

Even though it should be obvious, Arizona can’t help but feel an enormous amount of relief at those simple words. “You do?” she asks weakly, glancing down as she massages her partner’s knuckles with her thumbs.

Callie watches closely, lifting the other hand up to graze the bottom of Arizona’s chin. She can’t quite master the skills necessary to pull, but the soft touch does the trick and she’s once again looking into the prettiest blue eyes she’s ever seen.

“Of course I do,” she says sincerely, as though Arizona’s a big dummy for needing to ask in the first place. “So no more smoking, okay?”

The blonde finds herself smiling again, sealing the deal with a firm nod. “Okay.”

Despite Arizona’s casual exterior, Callie has always been able to read her like a book. She can tell something is troubling her fiancée, though she feels confident Arizona will confide in her when she’s ready – even if an appropriate amount of poking and nudging is necessary. For right now, she scoots over a few inches to her left and pats the mattress.

“C’mon. You look like you need a nap and I showered this morning, so this is as good as I’m gonna smell for the next four days. Take advantage.”

Laughing, Arizona puts up little protest as she kicks off her shoes and climbs into bed, settling on Callie’s right side. “I’m supposed to go out with Teddy in half an hour to pick up some things.”

“More than enough time for me to cop a feel,” Callie teases, snuggling in as the blonde rests her head on her shoulder, careful as always not to jog any wires or tubes.

Arizona snickers until she feels a hand graze her breast. Her head automatically lifts to stare at the other woman in surprise. “Did you just grope me?”

“Gotta get my jollies somewhere,” Callie points out, completely unapologetic. “Wanna help me out here?”

Once she realizes she isn’t kidding, Arizona rolls her eyes and places Callie’s palm over her right breast. “There. Happy?”

Concentrating just as hard as before, Callie manages a pretty firm squeeze, sending them both into an explosive fit of giggles.

“You are such a goof,” Arizona laughs, making no effort to remove the hand.

“Ow, ow,” Callie moans feebly, healing wounds aching in protest, though she never stops laughing.

Burrowing her nose into her partner’s neck, Arizona closes her eyes and takes comfort in knowing Teddy’s words will ring true soon enough – as long as she has Callie and Sofia Torres by her side, things will get better. Eventually she’ll be able to move on and take her family home.

Until then, moments like this would kick-start the healing process. Arizona releases a long sigh of relief and presses a delicate kiss to the soft skin beneath her lips. “I love you, you know.”

Tired from all the action, Callie happily buries her nose into the blonde curls splayed across the pillow. “Mm. Love you too, sweetie.”

\-----


End file.
